"We couldn't say it on TV if it wasn't true"- An actual quote from a commercial in 2007

Have you ever watched TV when the whole family is asleep?
Late into the night, so low volume you keep
Then without any warning, volume jumps to a boil
Comes a screaming asshole, selling snake oil
Up so many decibels, it vibrates the walls
Rattles the windows, echoes down the halls
Hey! It’s "Awesome auger”, or "Hercules hook"
"Trust me, they work. Do I look like a crook?"
Or "Sham Wow" weasel boy, ever look in his eyes?
Would you let him date your daughter, I think not, I surmise?
Now "Video Professor", He's a real sincere guy
Sends you his "disk free", "You don't have to buy"
Costs him 50cents to print, 38cents postage fee
But he such a good guy, he "gives it to you free"
"Just pay shipping and handling", that's only fair
$6.95 on your credit card, he makes no profit there
Yo! "It’s upside down tomato plant", "80 pound yield", it's no con
They just get more absurd as the evening goes on
Their products are bogus; it’s for garbage you pay
Not a single one works the way that they say
Still they’re so ubiquitous, we never get a reprieve
The well must be deep, of those who believe
Have you ever wondered why, they all cost under twenty?
Because of government policy, due to complaints a plenty
They've neither the time nor the resources, to investigate a claim
It it’s under twenty dollars, you just lost the game
And if you think that's not true, then go for it hero
You'll get your ass kicked, nineteen ninety nine to zero
But that can't be the reason, they're all nineteen ninety nine
It’s purely coincidence, their products work fine
"You can't buy this in a store", they say that too
As if it’s exclusive, made just for you
The stores will not sell it, they can't make a dime
They all come back fro refund; it's a waste of their time
But from a post office box, try to get a rescind
Say, why not do this, try pissing in the wind?
But I don't really care, about how many they gore
It’s that blitzkrieg in volume, that's what I abhor
*The Networks disclaim it, "its not louder you see?'
"Just full saturation of sound." Are you shitting me!?
It's not just a little; it’s louder by a lot
They're lying out their asses, when they say it is not*
We need an inventor, to create a device
To switch TV to mute, when volume jumps twice
I'd buy a half a dozen, for each TV on line
But not from Billy Mays, for nineteen ninety nine.

The Raving Mute

*Thank to Joe Coz, for your insight. You put the icing on the cake, made the ending just right.

By any other name it would still smell. Dont call it a charity it's the quango from Hell

We call ourselves ACORN, you know who we are
When it comes to mortality, we've really lowered the bar
No ethics have we, no limits at all
Just a modern day version, of Tammany Hall
A "non partisan" charity, or so we say
Financed by taxes, our salaries you pay
We help out the poor, to buy their new homes
By extorting the bank, to give them bad loans
Then when they get evicted, increasing their woes
Well too bad for them, but that’s how it goes
We can’t worry about them; we've bigger fish to fry
There’s a census needs rigging, more elections to buy
So for the right fee, we promote prostitution
But it’s for a good cause, campaign contribution
So should you expose us, and show what we did
Then it was you broke the law, for that camera you hid
It was no big problem, sure we took some heat
Then right back to business, obligations to meet
We help win elections, behind the scenes
Absentee ballots, our own printing machines
Its in our charter, we can break any law
We've got friends in high places; we'll just skate like before
They why we don’t bother, to cover our tracks
The boys with the juice, they've got our backs
It’s a bullet proof vest, no matter the crime
A Get Out of Jail Free gold card and it works every time
And so it goes on, there’s no reason to stop
When the systems been wired, from bottom to top
If you think the other party, will help you out
You are sadly mistaken, It’s not what their about
Both parties too similar, to the last man
Just to give their friends jobs, give you catch as can
They both play for themselves, then you bear the load
What’s comings not pretty and its right down to the road
So now there is talk, a third party is the way
Sure they'll let that happen, that'll be the day
They'll make it so hard, with the new laws they'll pass
Hard as ramming a hot poker, up a wild cat’s ass
Still you've got the number, if you should choose
Considering the status quo, what have you got to lose?


The Raving Mute

No Wait! Hold the phone, I could be off track
I was totally wrong, I take it all back
All congress just pledged to do all that they can
To root out government corruption!
? In Afghanistan?