You can't join our club, you're a teabagger hick
Your name should be Richard, you're such a dick
Your family so played, they need everything for free
They eat at the dumpster, and live in a tree
Get their clothes from a bin, at the Salvation Army
Always saying "Spare Change?" to everyone that they see
Cardboard boxes their furniture, A candle their lamp
When they mail a letter , they have to use a food stamp
They use public restrooms to take a pee
Look through Best Buy's window, when they watch tv
Your sister gets foreign aid, from the Haitian community
She tried working the Stroll, down in the Bowery
Couldn't get any takers, she's much too furry
Your pops goes car shopping, with a crowbar for a key
His ears all stuffed up, with seaweed and water
From the Rio Grande, when he snuck across the border
We saw a pciture of your moms, she looks like a hound
Cuts her toenails with a hacksaw, wears her weave in a mound
Her face is so busted, she went on Monster Quest
They just gave her the trophy, and sent home all the rest
Your grandma so fat, that when she takes a shower
She has to go through the car wash and it takes a whole hour
Irons her shirts in the driveway, combs her eyebrow with a rake
When she runs on all fours, it starts an earthquake
Down at the dump, she fights off the raccoon
Then eats with a shovel instead of a spoon
Scoffs up everything in sight, she's so totally crude
That when she goes camping, the bears hide their food
She jumped in the ocean, at Coney Island New York
Made sea level rise, up to the boardwalk
The people ran for their life, to get off the beach
She caused a Tsunami, each time that she breached
That's why you cant join our clique, the elite upper class
So we hope that you fail, and fall flat on your ass
Still best wishes to you and the whole family
From all we press agents, at good old MSNBC
Showing posts with label political parties. Show all posts
Showing posts with label political parties. Show all posts
Monday, February 1, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
It's just a got you last game, it's supposed to be funny. If you really want to go rogue, here's how it's done honey
So much sound and fury, its louder than thunder
Its got to be Sheena, Queen of the Tundra
Hi everybody, its me the ice queen
A real pretty face, with a mind not too keen
I've got rock star status, when I make the scene
My critics phobe out, in harmony they scream
A Pavlovian response, into action they jump
Like hungry seagulls, hovering over a dump
Screeching and diving, snapping their jaws
But I'm just a surrogate, for their own flaws
Born of desperaton, they're grasping at straws
Their ideologies not working, so I must be the cause
Its causing them to panic, no matter how hard they spin
It just isnt selling, reality closing in
A thought they can't bear, their demigod could fail
Then I might come back, his mistakes to avail
Its their worst nightmare, their great plans going south
So the mention of my name, makes them foam at the mouth
Sit up and bark Mr. Ed, You too Ms. Madcow
The lefts most loyal stooges, from Network Kowtow
Vitrioldberman makes three, their lapdog supreme
Spews venom at mach sped, his one song pipedream
So locked in their mindset, they cant even see
They're just spinning their wheels, waisting energy
For I've seen the elephant, and he has seen me
Jumbo thinks Dumbos a bimbo, So it's not goign to be
They treated me rudely, even called me inane
Said "Go home to hubby, you're his ball & chain"
So we've parted company, each on our own course
But don't stop yet boys, keep whipping a dead horse
I've got a new career and it promises to pay
You're hyping my book sales, and I like it that way
So if you need amping up, then here's what I say
You suck lame stream media, you're wimpy and gay
Well? Do you feel lucky punk? Go ahead make my day
If that's not enough, then here's a few more
I never recycle, I find it a bore
Load my pickup with garbage, by my side a sixpack
Sling my empties out the window, the rest slides off the back
I never turn off a light, I waste energy by the ton
What the hell is a poop scoop? Does it look like a gun?
I use trees for target practice and shoot wildlife for fun
Hollow points work the best, they really get the job done
Look there's a whooping crane, I'll get the last one
On my Cessnar two gatlings, one on each wing
Sixty tracers a second, those puppies really sing
I come from out of the sun, like a fire breathing bird
Catch the carribou grazing, I strafe the whole herd
Polar bear cubs are easy, they have no where to hide
White fur turns to red, their eyes open wide
I see canadian geese, at my three o-clock
A good thirty second burst, should take out the whole flock
I use a mortar for fishing, and it never fails
When I wear my lukcy hat, the one that says "nuke the whales"
My snow leopard fur coat, full length it took three
Endangered species what-ever, it looks better on me
OK enough Mr Nice Guy, here comes my kill shot
If this doesn't get you, then I dont know what
At all PTA dinners, I make everyone say grace
On my dart board a picture, of fat Al Gore's face
Blah Blah greenhouse effect, or so I've been told
Makes me no never mind, I live where it's cold
I hate the A.C.L.U, They should be water boarded
And every single alien, to Mexico deported
We should outlaw gay marriage, they're all going to hell
They belong in the closet, don't ask and don't tell
I'll see they get redemption, when I am the boss
They'll only take knee, to the guy on the cross
No more daisy chain, no more limp wrist parade
No more KY Jelly, for the cornhole brigade
It's for their own good, to start a new life
Join the Rotary club, take a breeder for a wife
Yes I am so right, what more can I say
They'll be oh so grateful, they'll thank me some day
Well that should be enough, to get you boys hot
So let's keep it going , show me what you got.
Its got to be Sheena, Queen of the Tundra
Hi everybody, its me the ice queen
A real pretty face, with a mind not too keen
I've got rock star status, when I make the scene
My critics phobe out, in harmony they scream
A Pavlovian response, into action they jump
Like hungry seagulls, hovering over a dump
Screeching and diving, snapping their jaws
But I'm just a surrogate, for their own flaws
Born of desperaton, they're grasping at straws
Their ideologies not working, so I must be the cause
Its causing them to panic, no matter how hard they spin
It just isnt selling, reality closing in
A thought they can't bear, their demigod could fail
Then I might come back, his mistakes to avail
Its their worst nightmare, their great plans going south
So the mention of my name, makes them foam at the mouth
Sit up and bark Mr. Ed, You too Ms. Madcow
The lefts most loyal stooges, from Network Kowtow
Vitrioldberman makes three, their lapdog supreme
Spews venom at mach sped, his one song pipedream
So locked in their mindset, they cant even see
They're just spinning their wheels, waisting energy
For I've seen the elephant, and he has seen me
Jumbo thinks Dumbos a bimbo, So it's not goign to be
They treated me rudely, even called me inane
Said "Go home to hubby, you're his ball & chain"
So we've parted company, each on our own course
But don't stop yet boys, keep whipping a dead horse
I've got a new career and it promises to pay
You're hyping my book sales, and I like it that way
So if you need amping up, then here's what I say
You suck lame stream media, you're wimpy and gay
Well? Do you feel lucky punk? Go ahead make my day
If that's not enough, then here's a few more
I never recycle, I find it a bore
Load my pickup with garbage, by my side a sixpack
Sling my empties out the window, the rest slides off the back
I never turn off a light, I waste energy by the ton
What the hell is a poop scoop? Does it look like a gun?
I use trees for target practice and shoot wildlife for fun
Hollow points work the best, they really get the job done
Look there's a whooping crane, I'll get the last one
On my Cessnar two gatlings, one on each wing
Sixty tracers a second, those puppies really sing
I come from out of the sun, like a fire breathing bird
Catch the carribou grazing, I strafe the whole herd
Polar bear cubs are easy, they have no where to hide
White fur turns to red, their eyes open wide
I see canadian geese, at my three o-clock
A good thirty second burst, should take out the whole flock
I use a mortar for fishing, and it never fails
When I wear my lukcy hat, the one that says "nuke the whales"
My snow leopard fur coat, full length it took three
Endangered species what-ever, it looks better on me
OK enough Mr Nice Guy, here comes my kill shot
If this doesn't get you, then I dont know what
At all PTA dinners, I make everyone say grace
On my dart board a picture, of fat Al Gore's face
Blah Blah greenhouse effect, or so I've been told
Makes me no never mind, I live where it's cold
I hate the A.C.L.U, They should be water boarded
And every single alien, to Mexico deported
We should outlaw gay marriage, they're all going to hell
They belong in the closet, don't ask and don't tell
I'll see they get redemption, when I am the boss
They'll only take knee, to the guy on the cross
No more daisy chain, no more limp wrist parade
No more KY Jelly, for the cornhole brigade
It's for their own good, to start a new life
Join the Rotary club, take a breeder for a wife
Yes I am so right, what more can I say
They'll be oh so grateful, they'll thank me some day
Well that should be enough, to get you boys hot
So let's keep it going , show me what you got.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Guide for the Meat Puppets
These are the 5 Commandments of of the two faction one party system known as the GOPDNC which is commonly mistaken as being two distinct entities.
To All Apostles
1. We are the word, Thou shalt not speak no words but our words.
2. Honor the strategy meeting with lockstep lipservice to our platform.
3. Remember the talking points, keep them holy by constantly repeating them, until they change.
4. Faithfully adhere to the Alphabet Protocol of ABC. When describing our candidate thou shalt Always Be Complimenting. When describing their candidate thou shalt Always Be Criticising.
5. Thou shalt never answer an awkward question about our candidate except by turning the response into an attack on the opposition candidate.
For guidance on how to live by the Commandments, see examples below:
1. If our guy runs across the tarmac in a downpour to board a plane speak reverently about his commitment to get the job done and improve the quality of life for his constituents even at the risk of his own safety. End by postulating that perhaps there is some truth to the rumor that he actually does walk on water.
2. If their guy runs across the tarmac in a downpour to board a plane question in suspicious tones why he was in such a hurry to duck the press and sneak out of town in such a a surreptitious way. End with the observation that this is just one more example that this man doesn't have sense enough to come out of the rain.
3. Whenever you are asked a question about a position of ours that is unpopular with the public, answer by saying "That's not the point. The point is...". Then go into a litany of derogatory attacks on the oppositions position on the issue. If the interviewer continues to press you with the question, insist that you "have answered the question".
We are the GOPDNC and we approve this behavior. For further refinement of your skills read the pamplets below:
1. "Sarcasm trumps the facts" by Rush Limbaugh. "A physical deformity is just a visible manifestation of mental imcompetance. So shut up you Feeb. If it's sympathy you are looking for it's between swill and syphilis in the dictionary."
2. "Pejorative Tirades Inspire the Choir" by Keith Oberman. "Evan a one trick pony can land a good job if he is animated and can feign anger by throwing paper in the air."
3. Palliation and The Weasel Out" by Mike Nifong. "To the extent that I may have unintentionally mispoken about some minor facts. I was misquoted and besides I never said pinkie promise."
4. "Duck Speak Raised to a High Art Form" by George Orwell. "When used to describe a party member it's a compliment. When used to describe the opposition it's a criticism."
5. "When you take the Man's money, you ride for the brand" Co-authored by Carl Rove and Bob Beckel. "There is no act so questionable that it cannot be either exaggerated or explained away. It all depends on which party the culprit or innocently accused belongs to."
The Raving Mute
Originally posted on adayinthelifeofalif.blogspot.com on September 1st 2008
To All Apostles
1. We are the word, Thou shalt not speak no words but our words.
2. Honor the strategy meeting with lockstep lipservice to our platform.
3. Remember the talking points, keep them holy by constantly repeating them, until they change.
4. Faithfully adhere to the Alphabet Protocol of ABC. When describing our candidate thou shalt Always Be Complimenting. When describing their candidate thou shalt Always Be Criticising.
5. Thou shalt never answer an awkward question about our candidate except by turning the response into an attack on the opposition candidate.
For guidance on how to live by the Commandments, see examples below:
1. If our guy runs across the tarmac in a downpour to board a plane speak reverently about his commitment to get the job done and improve the quality of life for his constituents even at the risk of his own safety. End by postulating that perhaps there is some truth to the rumor that he actually does walk on water.
2. If their guy runs across the tarmac in a downpour to board a plane question in suspicious tones why he was in such a hurry to duck the press and sneak out of town in such a a surreptitious way. End with the observation that this is just one more example that this man doesn't have sense enough to come out of the rain.
3. Whenever you are asked a question about a position of ours that is unpopular with the public, answer by saying "That's not the point. The point is...". Then go into a litany of derogatory attacks on the oppositions position on the issue. If the interviewer continues to press you with the question, insist that you "have answered the question".
We are the GOPDNC and we approve this behavior. For further refinement of your skills read the pamplets below:
1. "Sarcasm trumps the facts" by Rush Limbaugh. "A physical deformity is just a visible manifestation of mental imcompetance. So shut up you Feeb. If it's sympathy you are looking for it's between swill and syphilis in the dictionary."
2. "Pejorative Tirades Inspire the Choir" by Keith Oberman. "Evan a one trick pony can land a good job if he is animated and can feign anger by throwing paper in the air."
3. Palliation and The Weasel Out" by Mike Nifong. "To the extent that I may have unintentionally mispoken about some minor facts. I was misquoted and besides I never said pinkie promise."
4. "Duck Speak Raised to a High Art Form" by George Orwell. "When used to describe a party member it's a compliment. When used to describe the opposition it's a criticism."
5. "When you take the Man's money, you ride for the brand" Co-authored by Carl Rove and Bob Beckel. "There is no act so questionable that it cannot be either exaggerated or explained away. It all depends on which party the culprit or innocently accused belongs to."
The Raving Mute
Originally posted on adayinthelifeofalif.blogspot.com on September 1st 2008
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