Guide for the Meat Puppets

These are the 5 Commandments of of the two faction one party system known as the GOPDNC which is commonly mistaken as being two distinct entities.

To All Apostles

1. We are the word, Thou shalt not speak no words but our words.
2. Honor the strategy meeting with lockstep lipservice to our platform.
3. Remember the talking points, keep them holy by constantly repeating them, until they change.
4. Faithfully adhere to the Alphabet Protocol of ABC. When describing our candidate thou shalt Always Be Complimenting. When describing their candidate thou shalt Always Be Criticising.
5. Thou shalt never answer an awkward question about our candidate except by turning the response into an attack on the opposition candidate.

For guidance on how to live by the Commandments, see examples below:
1. If our guy runs across the tarmac in a downpour to board a plane speak reverently about his commitment to get the job done and improve the quality of life for his constituents even at the risk of his own safety. End by postulating that perhaps there is some truth to the rumor that he actually does walk on water.
2. If their guy runs across the tarmac in a downpour to board a plane question in suspicious tones why he was in such a hurry to duck the press and sneak out of town in such a a surreptitious way. End with the observation that this is just one more example that this man doesn't have sense enough to come out of the rain.
3. Whenever you are asked a question about a position of ours that is unpopular with the public, answer by saying "That's not the point. The point is...". Then go into a litany of derogatory attacks on the oppositions position on the issue. If the interviewer continues to press you with the question, insist that you "have answered the question".

We are the GOPDNC and we approve this behavior. For further refinement of your skills read the pamplets below:

1. "Sarcasm trumps the facts" by Rush Limbaugh. "A physical deformity is just a visible manifestation of mental imcompetance. So shut up you Feeb. If it's sympathy you are looking for it's between swill and syphilis in the dictionary."

2. "Pejorative Tirades Inspire the Choir" by Keith Oberman. "Evan a one trick pony can land a good job if he is animated and can feign anger by throwing paper in the air."

3. Palliation and The Weasel Out" by Mike Nifong. "To the extent that I may have unintentionally mispoken about some minor facts. I was misquoted and besides I never said pinkie promise."

4. "Duck Speak Raised to a High Art Form" by George Orwell. "When used to describe a party member it's a compliment. When used to describe the opposition it's a criticism."

5. "When you take the Man's money, you ride for the brand" Co-authored by Carl Rove and Bob Beckel. "There is no act so questionable that it cannot be either exaggerated or explained away. It all depends on which party the culprit or innocently accused belongs to."


The Raving Mute


Originally posted on adayinthelifeofalif.blogspot.com on September 1st 2008

The World According to Nancy

"Justice! I hate justice. It's the law that I love" - The king in Gullivers Travel's by J Swift

I was duly elected, true it was just one city
Still now I speak for Congress, gee ain't that a pity
Yes it's me that they chose, when they took the vote call
That speaks for their judgement, that says it all
So now I make the laws, along with my friends
With hubris and arrongance, means justified by ends

I supported dissent, back in the day
But now we are in power, so free speach is passe
It's like totally bogus, its Unamerican you see
To voice your opinion, unless I agree
How dare they presume , that their voices be heard
They're just little people, it's utterly absurd

Now they're stirred up, town hall protest they make
I'm so not impressed, let them eat cake
They should just shut up, we dont need their advice
It's for them we are building, a workers paradise
A true Great Society, that's what we melding
Just me and my friends, like Harry the Gelding

So, should they continue to protest to long
We'll take off the gloves and unleash ACORN
Our rat squad is in place, they read every blog
Enemies of the state, we record in our log
Not since Tricky Dick, has it been done so well
Slander and intimidation, all opposition to quell

And as far as the media, should they question to hard
They've been put on notice, we'll play the race card
Except MSNBC, their views are just fine
They write better scripts, than our own party line
It makes me ecstatic, it's almost like heaven
Our very own infomercial, running twenty four seven
They cherry pick whats news, then slant it and spin
An unrelenting barrage, of sycophant din

As for that other network, I won't say their name
You know who I mean, they wont play our game
They give me disphasia, they make me say BAH!
Refuse to sit in our circle, and sing kum-bai yah
They point out our flaws, give voice to the prole
It has to be stopped, we need more control
Fairness doctrine it failed, so a new law we'll pass
To nationalize the media, make them all just like Tass
They'll come under one name, I've got it for sooth
We'll just call them all, The "Ministry of Truth"
Then we'll ram through each bill, the public can't spike it
We're your government in action, how do you like it?

Who cares about cost, trillions are fine
We'll just tax all new income, I've already got mine
And the national debt, why should anyone care?
Generations not born yet, It's for them to bear

So you thought we'd be better, than the last guys?
Both parties count on that, Hel-lo Que Surprise!
The difference is small, between who holds the whip
From the cup of great statesmen, you never shall sip
No matter our party, our gender or race
We all talk out our ass, and both sides of our face
But dont get discouraged, I'll tell you why
Keep hoping for change, it's on that we rely

Who knows, it could happen?
The day that pigs fly!

The Raving Mute

Originally posted on adayinthelifeofalif.blogspot.com on August 23rd, 2009

An Ode to The Media

We call it the NEWS, who what where when and how
True once it was that, but what is it now?
It was just the facts, or at least they did try
Reduced not to theater, with embellishment and lie
No dog in the fight, back in the days
Now they sell product, just like Billy Mays
A hypothetical scenario, and how it is spun
Not hard to predict, if you know each one
An Iraqi bus, to a check point approaches
Passengers unknown, as it slowly encroaches
It stops not at Redline, but keeps rolling on
Taking no chances, it's fired upon
Impossible to know, why this took place
Yet here comes the Media, in their "Breaking News" race
First there is Hannity, he'll tell it right
"It was hardcore Al Queda, coming to fight"
A cadre of killers, with a gun in each hand
Our brave lads took them out, for God and homeland
Next is Christain, she'll tell it true
It was Iraqi workers, with a driver too new
Uncelar rules of engagement, troops not trained too long
Middle ground is out staple, so both sides must be wrong
THen there is Oberman, he'll tell it real
Twas Girl Scouts on Church picnic, Mother Theresa at the wheel
The troops held their fire, it was Bush there's no doubt
He said "just kill them all, let God sought them out"
And Last Al Jezeera, the truth they will tell
It was brave holy warriors, come to rout the Infidel
Each fought like ten tigers, they won victory and fame
With the blessing from Allah, all praise to his name
And such is the NEWS, in all of it's glory
Quote whomever you choose, they're all talking story
A new here it comes,that timely "Hard Break"
The unstoppable force, it's like an earthquake
They'll cut one off in midsentence, It's "Hard Break" don't you see?
It's ordained by God, it's not up to me
So what is its purpose? This force like Niagra
It's for selling John Basedow, Sham Wow, and Viagra
Noticed have you, when a big thing takes place?
"Hard Breaks" disappear, without any trace
Not hard to stop afterall, still why do they dare?
It's fear you'll change the channel, they'll lose too much share
Now its back to the NEWS, time for comic relief
Give us Bigfoot & Britney, or the most stupid theif
How come NEWS to this, such a pitiful state?
Not by conspiracy, no reason so great
A wise man once said, I'll tell you for sooth
The first casualty in war, is always the truth

The Raving Mute

Originally posted on adayinthelifeofalif.blogspot.com on August 28th, 2008