Guide for the Meat Puppets

These are the 5 Commandments of of the two faction one party system known as the GOPDNC which is commonly mistaken as being two distinct entities.

To All Apostles

1. We are the word, Thou shalt not speak no words but our words.
2. Honor the strategy meeting with lockstep lipservice to our platform.
3. Remember the talking points, keep them holy by constantly repeating them, until they change.
4. Faithfully adhere to the Alphabet Protocol of ABC. When describing our candidate thou shalt Always Be Complimenting. When describing their candidate thou shalt Always Be Criticising.
5. Thou shalt never answer an awkward question about our candidate except by turning the response into an attack on the opposition candidate.

For guidance on how to live by the Commandments, see examples below:
1. If our guy runs across the tarmac in a downpour to board a plane speak reverently about his commitment to get the job done and improve the quality of life for his constituents even at the risk of his own safety. End by postulating that perhaps there is some truth to the rumor that he actually does walk on water.
2. If their guy runs across the tarmac in a downpour to board a plane question in suspicious tones why he was in such a hurry to duck the press and sneak out of town in such a a surreptitious way. End with the observation that this is just one more example that this man doesn't have sense enough to come out of the rain.
3. Whenever you are asked a question about a position of ours that is unpopular with the public, answer by saying "That's not the point. The point is...". Then go into a litany of derogatory attacks on the oppositions position on the issue. If the interviewer continues to press you with the question, insist that you "have answered the question".

We are the GOPDNC and we approve this behavior. For further refinement of your skills read the pamplets below:

1. "Sarcasm trumps the facts" by Rush Limbaugh. "A physical deformity is just a visible manifestation of mental imcompetance. So shut up you Feeb. If it's sympathy you are looking for it's between swill and syphilis in the dictionary."

2. "Pejorative Tirades Inspire the Choir" by Keith Oberman. "Evan a one trick pony can land a good job if he is animated and can feign anger by throwing paper in the air."

3. Palliation and The Weasel Out" by Mike Nifong. "To the extent that I may have unintentionally mispoken about some minor facts. I was misquoted and besides I never said pinkie promise."

4. "Duck Speak Raised to a High Art Form" by George Orwell. "When used to describe a party member it's a compliment. When used to describe the opposition it's a criticism."

5. "When you take the Man's money, you ride for the brand" Co-authored by Carl Rove and Bob Beckel. "There is no act so questionable that it cannot be either exaggerated or explained away. It all depends on which party the culprit or innocently accused belongs to."


The Raving Mute


Originally posted on adayinthelifeofalif.blogspot.com on September 1st 2008