The Emperor's New Clothes

How ridiculous they sounded, Napolitano and Holder
Of course they have read it, Priority one in their folder
Held strategy meeting too, late into the night
Desperately seeking, to find one thing not right
Any loophole at all just one legal flaw
For which to bring suit, and then slam the door
They looked for a phrase, to misconstrue and abuse
To build a talking point around, to give it a bad face
But it was not there, so to the old standby
Vague misleading attacks, with hyperbole and lie
Stir up opposition, hope for public endorsement
To cloud the real issue, lack of federal enforcement
It almost worked, it was getting some play
But then it happened, that horrible day
A senator asked them for their facts to show
Like rats in a corner, they had nowhere to go
They knew what was expected, they’d been told by their Lord
If you love your emperor, then fall on your sword
It’s just like chess, This Washington thing
Every piece is expendable, except for the King
They were thrown to the lions, with no hope for appeal
Sentenced to be scourged, broken on the wheel
So they had to do it, knowing they had no chance
The Washington Weasel out, it’s called the “Vance Dance”
“Well Senator I haven’t read it, but still I can say
It has potential for abuse; it’s not the American Way”
How feeble an answer, so pitifully lame
But what else can you say, when its match, set and game?
They can’t do it much worse, or maybe they can
By disgracing themselves, to the last man
When a foreign leader comes hero, says we’re a racist nation
You don’t leap up and cheer, give him a standing ovation
Are they that disconnected, so without any clue?
To know how phony that looked, how offensive to view
Glitzy staged photo ops, contrived to be spun
Might work for selling cornflakes, but not a country to run
It’s no cosmic mystery, some revelation from God
Who speaks always in riddles, then judges us hard
It’s a straight forward question, not one God would give
Who has the better claim, in this country to live?
He who does it right, and shows respect for our law
Or he who gate crashes, and sneaks in the back door?
For each free pass we give, to the second one
Means one less for those, who the right thing have done
It’s not like we don’t care about those who long to be free
But consider the message, if we grant amnesty.

Famous quotes and who really said them.

Duets

1. Open your mouth and close your eyes and I'll give you something to make you wise. - Bill Clinton
It ain't over till the fat lady sings. - Monica Lewinsky
2. A man's gotta do what a mans gotta do. - Tiger Woods
Heads I win, tails you lose. - Mrs Tiger Woods
3. If you dont like it Sioux me. - George A Custer
Got you last. - Sitting Bull
4. Possession is nine points of the law- The Supreme Court
That's mitghy white of you - Dred Scot
5. I'll cross that road when I get to it.- Pontius Pilate
I'll be back. - Jesus Christ
6. Dude you the bomb! - Osama Bin Laden
Great balls of Fire. - Umar Faruk
7. Hey Shit happens. - Capt of the Titanic
Women and Children last. It's every man for himself. - Bruce Ismay
8. I'll make him an offer he can't refuse. - Harry Vegas
Every man has his price. - Sen. Nelson
9. Go for broke. - George Bush
I call you and raise you. - Barrack Obama

Solos

1. There is no such thing as a bad boy. - Michael Jackson
2. If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have me no luck at al. Head Technician at Chernobyl
3. A fool and his money are soon parted. - Bernie Maddof
4. I wouldn't treat a dog that way. - Michael Vick
5. You wanna buy a duck? How about a book? A t-shirt? A coffee cup?? - Bill O'Reilly
6. When I want your opinion I'll tell you what it is. - Nancy Pelosi
7. I came to bury Ceasar, not to praise him. - Glen Beck
8. I never met a man I didn't like. - Anna Nicole Smith
9. Wait until next year. - The Mets

A congradulatory message to Senator Brown from the Junior High School Snap Team at MSNBC News

You can't join our club, you're a teabagger hick
Your name should be Richard, you're such a dick
Your family so played, they need everything for free
They eat at the dumpster, and live in a tree
Get their clothes from a bin, at the Salvation Army
Always saying "Spare Change?" to everyone that they see
Cardboard boxes their furniture, A candle their lamp
When they mail a letter , they have to use a food stamp
They use public restrooms to take a pee
Look through Best Buy's window, when they watch tv
Your sister gets foreign aid, from the Haitian community
She tried working the Stroll, down in the Bowery
Couldn't get any takers, she's much too furry
Your pops goes car shopping, with a crowbar for a key
His ears all stuffed up, with seaweed and water
From the Rio Grande, when he snuck across the border
We saw a pciture of your moms, she looks like a hound
Cuts her toenails with a hacksaw, wears her weave in a mound
Her face is so busted, she went on Monster Quest
They just gave her the trophy, and sent home all the rest
Your grandma so fat, that when she takes a shower
She has to go through the car wash and it takes a whole hour
Irons her shirts in the driveway, combs her eyebrow with a rake
When she runs on all fours, it starts an earthquake
Down at the dump, she fights off the raccoon
Then eats with a shovel instead of a spoon
Scoffs up everything in sight, she's so totally crude
That when she goes camping, the bears hide their food
She jumped in the ocean, at Coney Island New York
Made sea level rise, up to the boardwalk
The people ran for their life, to get off the beach
She caused a Tsunami, each time that she breached
That's why you cant join our clique, the elite upper class
So we hope that you fail, and fall flat on your ass
Still best wishes to you and the whole family
From all we press agents, at good old MSNBC

It's just a got you last game, it's supposed to be funny. If you really want to go rogue, here's how it's done honey

So much sound and fury, its louder than thunder
Its got to be Sheena, Queen of the Tundra
Hi everybody, its me the ice queen
A real pretty face, with a mind not too keen
I've got rock star status, when I make the scene
My critics phobe out, in harmony they scream
A Pavlovian response, into action they jump
Like hungry seagulls, hovering over a dump
Screeching and diving, snapping their jaws
But I'm just a surrogate, for their own flaws
Born of desperaton, they're grasping at straws
Their ideologies not working, so I must be the cause
Its causing them to panic, no matter how hard they spin
It just isnt selling, reality closing in
A thought they can't bear, their demigod could fail
Then I might come back, his mistakes to avail
Its their worst nightmare, their great plans going south
So the mention of my name, makes them foam at the mouth
Sit up and bark Mr. Ed, You too Ms. Madcow
The lefts most loyal stooges, from Network Kowtow
Vitrioldberman makes three, their lapdog supreme
Spews venom at mach sped, his one song pipedream
So locked in their mindset, they cant even see
They're just spinning their wheels, waisting energy
For I've seen the elephant, and he has seen me
Jumbo thinks Dumbos a bimbo, So it's not goign to be
They treated me rudely, even called me inane
Said "Go home to hubby, you're his ball & chain"
So we've parted company, each on our own course
But don't stop yet boys, keep whipping a dead horse
I've got a new career and it promises to pay
You're hyping my book sales, and I like it that way
So if you need amping up, then here's what I say
You suck lame stream media, you're wimpy and gay
Well? Do you feel lucky punk? Go ahead make my day
If that's not enough, then here's a few more
I never recycle, I find it a bore
Load my pickup with garbage, by my side a sixpack
Sling my empties out the window, the rest slides off the back
I never turn off a light, I waste energy by the ton
What the hell is a poop scoop? Does it look like a gun?
I use trees for target practice and shoot wildlife for fun
Hollow points work the best, they really get the job done
Look there's a whooping crane, I'll get the last one
On my Cessnar two gatlings, one on each wing
Sixty tracers a second, those puppies really sing
I come from out of the sun, like a fire breathing bird
Catch the carribou grazing, I strafe the whole herd
Polar bear cubs are easy, they have no where to hide
White fur turns to red, their eyes open wide
I see canadian geese, at my three o-clock
A good thirty second burst, should take out the whole flock
I use a mortar for fishing, and it never fails
When I wear my lukcy hat, the one that says "nuke the whales"
My snow leopard fur coat, full length it took three
Endangered species what-ever, it looks better on me
OK enough Mr Nice Guy, here comes my kill shot
If this doesn't get you, then I dont know what
At all PTA dinners, I make everyone say grace
On my dart board a picture, of fat Al Gore's face
Blah Blah greenhouse effect, or so I've been told
Makes me no never mind, I live where it's cold
I hate the A.C.L.U, They should be water boarded
And every single alien, to Mexico deported
We should outlaw gay marriage, they're all going to hell
They belong in the closet, don't ask and don't tell
I'll see they get redemption, when I am the boss
They'll only take knee, to the guy on the cross
No more daisy chain, no more limp wrist parade
No more KY Jelly, for the cornhole brigade
It's for their own good, to start a new life
Join the Rotary club, take a breeder for a wife
Yes I am so right, what more can I say
They'll be oh so grateful, they'll thank me some day
Well that should be enough, to get you boys hot
So let's keep it going , show me what you got.

"We couldn't say it on TV if it wasn't true"- An actual quote from a commercial in 2007

Have you ever watched TV when the whole family is asleep?
Late into the night, so low volume you keep
Then without any warning, volume jumps to a boil
Comes a screaming asshole, selling snake oil
Up so many decibels, it vibrates the walls
Rattles the windows, echoes down the halls
Hey! It’s "Awesome auger”, or "Hercules hook"
"Trust me, they work. Do I look like a crook?"
Or "Sham Wow" weasel boy, ever look in his eyes?
Would you let him date your daughter, I think not, I surmise?
Now "Video Professor", He's a real sincere guy
Sends you his "disk free", "You don't have to buy"
Costs him 50cents to print, 38cents postage fee
But he such a good guy, he "gives it to you free"
"Just pay shipping and handling", that's only fair
$6.95 on your credit card, he makes no profit there
Yo! "It’s upside down tomato plant", "80 pound yield", it's no con
They just get more absurd as the evening goes on
Their products are bogus; it’s for garbage you pay
Not a single one works the way that they say
Still they’re so ubiquitous, we never get a reprieve
The well must be deep, of those who believe
Have you ever wondered why, they all cost under twenty?
Because of government policy, due to complaints a plenty
They've neither the time nor the resources, to investigate a claim
It it’s under twenty dollars, you just lost the game
And if you think that's not true, then go for it hero
You'll get your ass kicked, nineteen ninety nine to zero
But that can't be the reason, they're all nineteen ninety nine
It’s purely coincidence, their products work fine
"You can't buy this in a store", they say that too
As if it’s exclusive, made just for you
The stores will not sell it, they can't make a dime
They all come back fro refund; it's a waste of their time
But from a post office box, try to get a rescind
Say, why not do this, try pissing in the wind?
But I don't really care, about how many they gore
It’s that blitzkrieg in volume, that's what I abhor
*The Networks disclaim it, "its not louder you see?'
"Just full saturation of sound." Are you shitting me!?
It's not just a little; it’s louder by a lot
They're lying out their asses, when they say it is not*
We need an inventor, to create a device
To switch TV to mute, when volume jumps twice
I'd buy a half a dozen, for each TV on line
But not from Billy Mays, for nineteen ninety nine.

The Raving Mute

*Thank to Joe Coz, for your insight. You put the icing on the cake, made the ending just right.

By any other name it would still smell. Dont call it a charity it's the quango from Hell

We call ourselves ACORN, you know who we are
When it comes to mortality, we've really lowered the bar
No ethics have we, no limits at all
Just a modern day version, of Tammany Hall
A "non partisan" charity, or so we say
Financed by taxes, our salaries you pay
We help out the poor, to buy their new homes
By extorting the bank, to give them bad loans
Then when they get evicted, increasing their woes
Well too bad for them, but that’s how it goes
We can’t worry about them; we've bigger fish to fry
There’s a census needs rigging, more elections to buy
So for the right fee, we promote prostitution
But it’s for a good cause, campaign contribution
So should you expose us, and show what we did
Then it was you broke the law, for that camera you hid
It was no big problem, sure we took some heat
Then right back to business, obligations to meet
We help win elections, behind the scenes
Absentee ballots, our own printing machines
Its in our charter, we can break any law
We've got friends in high places; we'll just skate like before
They why we don’t bother, to cover our tracks
The boys with the juice, they've got our backs
It’s a bullet proof vest, no matter the crime
A Get Out of Jail Free gold card and it works every time
And so it goes on, there’s no reason to stop
When the systems been wired, from bottom to top
If you think the other party, will help you out
You are sadly mistaken, It’s not what their about
Both parties too similar, to the last man
Just to give their friends jobs, give you catch as can
They both play for themselves, then you bear the load
What’s comings not pretty and its right down to the road
So now there is talk, a third party is the way
Sure they'll let that happen, that'll be the day
They'll make it so hard, with the new laws they'll pass
Hard as ramming a hot poker, up a wild cat’s ass
Still you've got the number, if you should choose
Considering the status quo, what have you got to lose?


The Raving Mute

No Wait! Hold the phone, I could be off track
I was totally wrong, I take it all back
All congress just pledged to do all that they can
To root out government corruption!
? In Afghanistan?

Are we draining the swamp yet, Mis Speaker?

Hi its Nancy again, I descend from on high
To answer your question, as to who how and why
First comes my resume, because I’m number one
Then tactics and motives, and just how it’s done
I’m small minded and shallow, petty and vain
I even lie just on spec, when there’s nothing to gain
When questioned on issues, I’m so out of my depth
My response only slander, to hide I’m inept
I know nothing of substance, even less about facts
Those questions I dodge, using personal attacks
In my mirror I practice, my face of sincere
But it’s so hard to mime, looks too wooden I fear
Like my “Dear in the headlights”, I use that one a lot
If would make Marcel Marceau gag, give thumbs down and say “NOT”
I decried “Nuclear option” as evil, when it came up with Alito
Still the term “Nuclear option”, has too arbitrary a connotation
So I redefined it in new speak, it’s now called “reconciliation”
But now it serves my purpose, so I’ll just change my credo
I was first to condemn Wilson, when he stepped over the line
But about Charlie Rangle, his conducts just fine
I’ll defend any act, or denounce it as vile
My only criterion is, “which side of the aisle?”
I can't be constrained, by honesty and fair play
They're so not convenient, when they get in the way
My hypocracy is legend, the essence of my style
It defines my persona, just like my fake smile
I’ll exploit even the dead, crack my voice eulogize
Slip in my agenda, try this on for size
For three days without sleep, I stood at his bed
Overcome by such grief, many tears did I shed
With his last dying breath, he raised up his head
“Integrity, integrity, integrity”, the last words he said
No wait! That’s not it, I just got confused
That doesn’t even fit, besides it’s already been used
Yes! Now I remember, his final request
“Pass this one for the Gipper, so my soul it can rest”
So join us in tribute, to pass this healthcare
I have no clue with a it says, but I’m sure it’s fair
It won’t go over budget, or run off the rail
The government will run it, so how can it fail?
We stand on our record, for problems we’ve solved
Look how past projects turned out, once we got involved
This new bill is the panacea, to lower the cost
I’ll explain how it works, try not to get lost
Tort reform is a non issue, there’s no way it works
Law lobby checkbooks would close, we’d lose our best perks
It’s as simple as that, it was Howard said it best
“The lawyers won’t allow it”, and we serve at their behest
There’s a much better way, we’ve been given the word
Lose the feebs and the geezers, its called thinning the herd
Mandatory end of life counseling, code name Soylent Green
What’s your favorite color? Step inside the machine
A true act of compassion, to end suffering and pain
No more disability checks either, each good deed has its gain
As for the opposition, it was himself made the call
He said “Go for the throat, take no prisoners at all”
So I took the lead, the public to trash
With my usual tact, I caused a backlash
So we jumped to the insurance companies, they’re not like anyway
They’re orchestrating dissent, manufacturing dismay
But support is still flagging, blocking our path
We’ve got to find someone, then macee public wrath
It’s got to be a big fish, get the media to bite
Sink the hook deep, change their leads every night
So we’ll just keep on trying, until we find the right one
To keep spinning your heads, until it is done
It was long ago called solugi, we treat you like fools
You’re the monkey in the middle, in a game with no rules
And it’s not just the democrats, the republicans too
We’re every one of us for sale, but just not to you
It’s about money and power, and you’re not in the loop
Special interest cracks the whip, and we jump through their hoop
How can you not see it? In the halls every week
Lobbyists and law makers hand in hand cheek to cheek
And it doesn’t even matter, who they represent
Be it big business the unions, or a foreign government
All votes up for auction, on the block every day
It’s by invitation only, just high rollers get play
But don’t feel disenfranchised, I’ll tell you why
You’ve still got the best government that money can buy
And you get yours too, many benefits and more
Everyone has good credit, at the company store
Its big brother who runs it and it’s just how it looks
We just keep making up number, and cooking the books
We’re just mortgaging the future, to subsidize the past
In a giant ponzi pyramid, that we all hope will last
So when our little babes grow up, point at us and say
“What the hell was your problem, Was there no better way?”
Don’t get all defensive or indignant and shout
Just tell hem straight up, what it was about
Say “Kid it’s really too bad, that now you have to pay
But to tell you the truth, we never thought of this day”